WHY I WOULD BE A HORRIBLE BOOK CHARACTER

Saturday, August 12, 2017
Sometimes, when watching movies and reading books, I like to imagine myself as the main character. I wonder how well I'd survive in their position -- seeing that most of them fight dragons and evil overlords -- and after much thought, I've reached the conclusion that I'd be a terrible main character (specifically in fantasy/sci-fi novels)

Here's why.

Aside from the occasional castle feast and stale chunk of bread in their sack... when do characters eat?! They're off adventuring from dawn to dusk with minimal amounts of food. Sheesh, don't they need sustenance for energy? While they starve, I'm over here relating with Pippin and wondering why there aren't consistent meal (and snack!) breaks.

[I really love Pippin xD]
I've mentioned this on the blog before, but I'm a hardcore night owl. I'll stay up past midnight writing books, reading books, reorganizing my books, gazing fondly upon my books... (ahem) There's something about the late hour that inspires me to get all the things done -- even unfavorable tasks like cleaning my room or doing some school work..

Mornings on the other hand.... HAHAHAHAHAHA. #nope

I don't know about you, but I definitely wouldn't be able to wake up in the forest (assuming that I got any sleep on the rock hard earth), ready to fight monsters and trek across mountains. These characters have endless amounts of energy!

Also how do they wake up without an alarm? The army may ride at dawn, but without prompting I won't show up until noon. (And that's assuming I had enough time to go down to the kitchen and scrounge for some breakfast. Muffins, anyone?)

Petition to start shelving fantasy/sci-fi books in the superhero section because W O W their strength and endurance is basically superhuman. Think of all the running and fighting they constantly do! I'm very impressed (even though it doesn't take much to impress me but shhh).

As these warriors master swordfighting and archery after a few days of practice (probably with a broken limb or two because #conflict), I'd still be gathering enough muscle in my arms to pick up the extremely heavy weapons. Have you ever shot a bow and arrow? It's tough -- I can't imagine doing the action again and again during a battle that lasts for hours. 

Plus these characters need insane emotional strength since they're almost killed every other page. I'm surprised there aren't more mental breakdowns, to be honest. I think I'd need to find a nice tree to sit under so I could have a good cry. xD

Need I say more? 

There's a strange lack of pizza in novels, and that fact alone rules me out from becoming a book character. If the other challenges didn't kill me, the grief of being without pizza surely would. :')

- - -

I'm well aware that this post sounds pathetic. But don't worry! I'm exaggerating only slightly (ha...ha...). I'm going to go take a moment to be thankful that I'm not "the chosen one" because I'm pretty sure nothing good could ever come from that. (except for maybe a new book idea? maybe that would justify everything...)

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that somewhat ridiculous post! Next week is my three year blog anniversary (!!!!) and though I have nothing planned, it'll still be fun to take a look back. xD

Make your weekend amazing! May the words flow smoothly and lots of writing get done. :)

<3,
katie grace

100 comments :

  1. Haha, this is nice! I totally agree 100%. Especially on the food/pizza!

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  2. Yes first comment! *fist bumps*

    Haha, I think we can all agree that most of us would be failures as an MC. Mostly because pizza. Obviously. #relatable

    But even more so, I would completely fail as the MC of a YA novel.

    Here's a thought for you to ponder: We writers are always nagging for more relatable characters and flaws that we can actually understand. But if we, ourselves can't even fathom being an MC...then how are we supposed to write characters that are relatable, but not boring and incapable like we think we are?

    (I'm so sorry, that question is so incoherent. Does it make any sense? If not, just say so and I'll shut up lol.)

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    1. Haha thought I got first comment. Guess not. ☺️

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    2. ALMOST first comment. And you wrote a long one, so you probably reached the comment section first but just put extra thought into it. ;)

      Oooh that is a good thought that you mentioned. o.o I think it's a balance of both -- characters need to have a certain amount of strength and power and bravery to be interesting, but without flaws then they really are seen as superheroes and not anyone we can relate to. But as soon as the fear of approaching that "bad guy" seeps into their soul, we understand that. As humans we all have fear and can relate to feelings of embarrassment or terror or sadness.

      And I think that's why writing articles again and again tell us to make sure that our characters have flaws Because if we can relate to their flaws and then see them overcome the struggle, perhaps there's hope and inspiration for us to conquer our own problems. Hm... this is something I could really get deep into and think about a lot so maybe it's a topic for a blog post. XD

      (haha YES it totally make sense. Not sure if my reply did, but that's how it just came out of my head :P)

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    3. Haha yes, I inspired a blog post! *fist bump* Your answer totally makes sense.

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  3. Nah, this post wasn't pathetic. It seems pretty legit xD But I think you would make a good book character because you're human?! xD

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  4. Pippin yaaas. I relate to him so much. XD he's like the bestest character in the LotR movies. XP

    Excercise is normally okay? I mean, I like being active. BUT MAYBE NOT BOOK-LEVEL EXERCISE. I'm not /that/ good.

    I wish to make an official annoucement: I HAVE PIZZA IN MY NOVELS. (are you surprised? xD) Pizza is the best and must have more say in novels. RIGHTS FOR PIZZA. XD
    Okay but seriously, WE'RE BOTH SO PIZZA OBSESSED IT'S LIKE WE REALLY ARE TWINS. XD

    "Oh Jane! You're the chosen one! Off you go and save the world"
    "But...But I want second lunch. I had lunch an hour ago, so now it's time for more. I'M HUNGRY OKAY GUYS. JUST CHILL A LITTLE LONGER." XD

    Yeep blog anniversary. *prepares much confetti to throw on your precious blog* So exciting. :D

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    1. Just for this comment, I'm going to find a way to put pizza in my novel.

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    2. YESS PIPPIN. At Realm Makers over dinner we were talking about which LoTR character we'd be, and I just mumbled, "I wonder what character I would be..." and then they just went, "You're obviously Pippin, Katie," without any hesitation. Not sure if that's good or bad but I'll take it because he makes me laugh XD

      GASP YOU HAVE PIZZA IN YOUR NOVELS?? THIS MEANS I NEED TO READ IT IMMEDIATELY, JANE. xD

      You and I should make a short story parody out of this it would be hilarious. XD

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  5. Haha, yeah. I would fail as a main character in most cases. In some stories, where there's less physical action and more plottery and intrigue, I think I might have a chance as long as I made good choices about who to ally myself with. But other stories . . . Yeah, no. Not unless I get a year or two of training rather than the usual week. Or if I get a bonded dragon to give me superpowers and keep me on track. That would help with everything except the regular meals, in which case I, like you, would be miserable.

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    1. I could maybe be a background character and watch everything go down while not doing anything? XD

      Ooh, bonded dragons. *nodnod* I really like that idea...

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  6. Let's all take a moment to appreciate how relatable this post is. I've been exercising a little more now and it makes me think, "how on earth do these protagonists survive fights? I can't even survive this exercise session."

    Another fabulous post, Katie!

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    1. EE THANK YOU, ALEA. And I feel the same way. Just gearing myself up for a simple exercise session (or walking outside... heh) is enough energy. xD

      Thanks! <3

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  7. I LOVE this post, it's so funny and true and relatable. :)
    Same though with the battlefield parts 00 It's crazy...

    Anna | www.worldthroughherheart.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you, Anna! I know, I don't think I could ever survive going into battle. O.O

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  8. I wouldn't survive one moment of life-threatening peril in a fantasy book. xD I can't run very fast, much less even lift a heavy weapon, so I'd probably be one of the first to go, too. I would even botch courier/messenger work, because I would be stressed out by the danger and make a mistake. :P

    Yes yes yes, the food! Do we never wonder why that young woman locked away in a dungeon for all of her life with minimal food never developed an eating disorder or something like that? Or, like you said, only a piece of stale bread can get a warrior over a mountain? :P

    But seriously, the WEAPONS thing bugs me most. Sooo many characters are extremely good at weaponry, especially archery, without having practiced too much?? Or just because the author wanted to make them good at something cool. The only thing I myself could manage, probably, is a dagger - and even then, I wouldn't be able to aim and I wouldn't have the guts to use it. xD

    When my sisters ask me which character I want to be in [insert book], I always say I want to be the one that doesn't lose family and that goes through minimal strife. Because I wouldn't be able to handle that. :P

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    1. Yup, I'm the same way. With all the nerves I'd start fiddling with the paper and by the time I arrive at the palace it'd be a crumpled ball of anxiety. :P

      RIGHT? I feel like 97% of fantasy characters should be dead with all that they go through. but I suppose if stories were completely realistic they wouldn't be quite as interesting. xD

      RighT?? And I've thrown knives before, and it's not too hard to aim toward the person, but it's extremely hard for them to rotate the correct amount of times so they land... ahem... pointy side first. :P I still don't understand the magic to it. o.o

      Yup. That. xD

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  9. This was a great post. :) The weapons and the exercise would kill me too :P And early mornings. Best wishes for your week too!

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    1. Thanks, Emma! I hope your summer has been going well. (and that new story you mentioned awhile back...)

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  10. Loving it. This would KILL me, too. And when do you get a chance to introvert! (You're an extrovert, though, right? So that wouldn't be a problem. But no one in epic fantasy gets a minute to themselves! Ever)

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    1. Oh my goodness, yes! I didn't even think about that! Yeah, I'm an extrovert, but I still do enjoy my alone times... that will be something to add if there's a part 2 to this post. xD

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  11. Hahahhahahahahaha you've made me realize i'd me a horrible book character as well xDDDD
    I love your posts!!!
    Haha this was fantastic!

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    1. I think we all would... Thanks you, Arya! xD

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  12. Uhg, right? Without pizza, I would just be whining all day.

    I love seeing characters that get worn out by stuff and have breakdowns because #relatable, so don't give up on your dreams just yet. You may be the hero someday (or you may not want to, seeing as they usually have everything they love taken from them XD).

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    1. Yess right? Sometimes a good breakdown is what characters need. :P

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  13. I'm with you on being a horrible book character! Seriously, I would be dead in the first few seconds in most books... XD

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  14. Loved this post!!!

    littlebitofsunshineweb.wordpress.com

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  15. RELATABLE!!! XD and happy early blogoversary!!

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  16. Oh but leave me my delusions ... LOL. I'm pretty sure most of us would die on the first page of any book that we found ourselves in, but we can dream, right? Especially if that dreaming inspires us to get up and do adventurous things, just in case we happen to stumble through a portal to our favorite fantasy world. (Because I haven't given up hope on the wardrobes yet. Still check each and everyone for a doorway to Narnia!)

    This post was too funny though! Gotta agree on the pizza thing. What would life be without pizza? And Dr. Pepper? And coffee?

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    1. Pretty sure you might have a small chance of survival with all the epic trips and horse riding adventures you do. ;)

      Coffee! o.o Not sure if I'd be able to go to battle without my daily dose of coffee... I didn't even think about that!

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  17. My problem would be:

    Character: YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE
    Me: *searches for sunglasses* *puts sunglasses on* that'll be $25 for standing in my presence, sweetheart.

    Character: LET'S SAVE THE WORLD
    Me: ... eh? Can't they save themselves?

    Character: we should conserve our energy
    Me: or buy a lot of coffee.

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    1. #relatable

      Character: Well, it looks like one of us is going to have to sacrifice themself for the greater good....

      Me: *taps them on the shoulder* NOT IT *frantically runs away*

      (Disclaimer: I would be the first person to sacrifice myself to save my friends. Just...thought that might be important to add lol)

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    2. *snort* You actually might be a very interesting MC... xD

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  18. Ha. In my fantasy-sci-fi-mix story Won't Feel a Thing, they eat pizza twice. ^~^ So you'd be good in that city. xD

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    1. GASP REALLY? *whisper* I need to read this story, Faith. Give meee! :P

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  19. THIS POST THO. So relatable!

    I've thought this very thing. Because I always THINK I want to go on an adventure and stuff. But when I really sit down and look at the logistics of it, I realize I'd totally hate it. Like you said, hardly any food, no PIZZA?????, no sleep. Sheesh, I start starving just sitting around the house all day. While books characters are burning off allll this energy. Can you imagine how hungry they are? HOW DO THEY DO IT???

    "The army may ride at dawn, but without prompting I won't show up until noon." <---YES. XDDD Whoops, I missed the epic war because I slept in. Sorryyyy.

    Yeeeah. I need my comforts. I'd totally fail being a book character.

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    1. YOU THO. So kind and encouraging! :D

      Exactly. I enjoy fantasizing adventuring and gallivanting off into the woods in my mind... but in reality I'd be scared of bugs falling into my hair and stepping in animal dung. xD

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  20. Hahaha...yes! Thank you for the wonderful and humorous post. I just got done with a very busy 3 week trip and my legs are toast. (We walked 5-10 miles every day). I have no idea how book characters keep up with the craziness!

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    1. Whoahh, really? Seems like you're preparing awfully well for being a MC. o.o

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    2. I mean, I would like to believe that I am. Just got to work on my archery a bit more and I'll be all set.

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  21. OK I DO THIS WHILE WATCHING A MOVIE LIKE "NOPE IM DEAD I CANT DO THAT JUMP SORRY CHARACTERS" THIS WAS AMAZING

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    1. ME TOO. They're honestly so impressive. xD

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  22. LOL I totally relate to this. like why do they get so much strength and never eat anything?? #doesntmakesense but hahaha yes, this was an epic post XD

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    1. Right?? I'd be so concerned about food everyone would get so annoyed xD

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  23. This post was entertaining, good job! :D

    {bookstagram} @eliza.noel.writes

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  24. I think I would die from stress before I'd even got through the first chapter, let's be honest. And if, by a miracle, I did get through the first chapter, I would have a mental breakdown as soon as someone even suggested a battle. I can happily write pages and pages about blood and murder and intrigue, but I wouldn't be able to live it.

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    1. RIGHT?! Ew blood, and ew creepy forests, and ew stress, and I just don't think I could do it very well. #pathetic

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  25. ME EXACTLY. this post was awesomeness. 👌👌

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  26. XD this is absolutely beautiful!

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  27. I agree to all of this. I'm not kidding. I saw your title and I thought to myself, "Spunds like me." I read your post and I thought to myself, "OH MY WORD, THIS IS TOTALLY ME!!" ;)

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    1. Ha! I'm glad you liked the title because I seriously spent forever trying to think of the correct wording. So thank you. :P

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  28. "If the other challenges didn't kill me, the grief of being without pizza surely would."

    AMEN SISTER. But seriously, the stamina and the mental sanity of most characters in fantasy books is astounding. Where do they get the strength??

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    1. RIGHT? I guess it's just the authors sitting in their dim basement dreaming about being warriors and conquerers. xD

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  29. Riiiiight??? I bet I wouldn't make too great of a book character either in some settings...I could probably find SOME main character to be if I searched hard enough though! ;)
    Yes!! The characters in books have so much physical strength it's crazy! Whenever I've had to exercise where I feel really low motivation, I always think- you have to do this if you ever want to survive in a book or go on adventures like fictional characters do. XD
    -Emma-

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    1. Right? o.o I always think of that one scene in LotR where everyone is sprinting along and then poor Gimli is out of breath and dying :P

      Thanks for commenting, Emma!

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  30. Haha, great idea for a blog post--I completely relate to all of these! Also, I think I'd be a horrible character because I'm just too cautious. I'm the one sitting on the couch watching the movie/reading the book thinking, "No! Don't go in there! Don't say that!"

    Hailey
    www.haileyhudson.wordpress.com

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    1. SAME! I can't IMAGINE sneaking around all suspicious-like. o.o It makes me so nervous when they're disobeying the rules and such.

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  31. Hahaha this is the best, same. Every time I watch an action-y movie I think about how dead I'd be in those situations. Let's also acknowledge the lack of constantly available coffee. I wouldn't last a day without it.

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    1. SAME. I need my coffee to stay awake and energized!

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  32. Ha! I completely agree with this. Also considering the fact that I’m not anywhere near as brave as my fictional friends? I definitely can relate on the food matter.

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    1. Yuup. I'd be a quaking mess of nerves the whole time. o.o

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  33. I have always thought the same things. I would make a horrible character too.

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  34. Agree with this sentiment. Also as I writer and avid reader I know bad things happen to characters and honestly I'm not sure I could handle that. I'm sure our characters can, but us. Ha, we seem to love creating hardships for our characters, but us going through them ourselves. I think that's just another thing we avoid. Definitely think I would fail at being a main character.

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    1. I wonder if our characters are actually like us and quaking in their own boots. I would feel so bad for all the pain I put them through. :P

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  35. I'm voting for a Part Two! This was hilarious, Katie! (and I have now admitted that I'd never be a good fantasy heroine... waaay too much running! ;P)

    I think I'd be Bilbo, though? Not Adventurous Bilbo, either. Grumpy Bilbo who doesn't want anyone in his house and certainly doesn't want to share his food. (Now I'm trying to imagine Bilbo eating pizza?? just because)
    Jem Jones

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    1. HAHA. Nope. I can barely run up my stairs without getting out of breath, so running out to battle? #nope

      I relate to Bilbo in the beginning of that movie so hard. His poor home is getting invaded. XD And OOH I need to introduce Bilbo to pizza o.o

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    2. Yes you need to introduce Bilbo to pizza!! I think he would really like it. In fact, all of the hobbits probably would. Which in the end would leave no pizza for us, possibly... which would be TERRIBLE.

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  36. Oh my goodness, yes to all of these! Reading this...I really think I'd be a horrible book character too. XD 'Cause...pizza. Who can live without that? :P

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    1. I DEFINITELY CAN'T. I love pizza way too much. :P

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  37. Okay this is definitely the funniest pot I've read this week! I don't know how I would do, I would have to think about it since I'm almost the exact opposite. Though 1 and 4 I totally get, I need tons of food and Pizza is part of the ton :D. And then there is also music, unless we have a traveling band with us, or someone who rocks singing, how can I go without my music? Really funny post Katie!

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    1. GASP, TRUE. I didn't even think about not being able to listen to any music! I'm not sure how I'd be able to survive without that for sure. *needs mah tunes for motivation* xD

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Marrok!

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  38. AHAHAHA, this was so great xD. And I would never be a good book character because I GET SICK. No one ever gets sick in speculative fiction. It is not fair.

    Can't wait to see your three year (WHAT EVEN HOW HAVE YOU ONLY BEEN BLOGGING THAT LONG???) blogoversary post, Katie! <3

    ~ Savannah

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    1. YEAH AND I'M JUST HORRIBLE WHEN I'M SICK. I get very annoyed when I have a stuffy nose or don't feel 100% so I think my travel adventure companions would get very annoyed with me. :P

      YAY THANK YOUUU. And haha right it feels like it's been forever and yet only a moment. :P

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  39. Replies
    1. GOOD QUESTION. I DON'T THINK WE'D SURVIVE. O.O

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  40. I LOVED this post!! LOVED. Especially the part about relating to Pippin. Pippin is great, is he not? The one character that actually seems to care about food *strokes plate of food*. I love food and can easily relate to Pippin. LOVED the GIF. XD

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  41. I am actually making myself into the MC of my story I am writing right now, so I think I make a pretty good MC... to a point.

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    1. Ooh, that's awesome! I think our characters naturally have a little part of the author's personality in them. For me, they're just a lot braver. xD

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    2. I agree (about what you said about the characters having a bit of the author's personality in them). And I understand that about being braver. In my stories, some of them are braver some of them are less, and the MC in my WIP is pretty much... me. In every way. So we have the same amount of bravery I think.

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  42. This is really a great post! I relate to this so much - I realise that I would be a terrible main character because I'd probably prefer to stay inside drinking tea and reading a book. :)

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    1. YES. I'd rather read about other people's life and death situations than be in one... :P

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  43. THIS IS SO RELATABLE. I would be great at being awful in a book, honestly. Like I'm so weak too??? I do like exercise but I can't carry a huge PACK and walk 5000 miles in a day. Thanks but no. Also carry me pls I'm tired. And the lack of available snacks seems daunting. Plus comfortable beds??? Also fantasy books seem to have this idea that once you fight the monster/battle, you go on to do other amazing things. But like no?? Can we get some rest days please and PIZZA.

    (I LOVED THIS POST. XD)

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    1. YUP I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID HERE. Except the fact that you like exercise?? I'm a bit surprised by that but HEY GO YOU. xD

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  44. Basically what I get from this is that you are a hobbit, which makes perfect sense...

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  45. Haha! I quite agree. I couldn't go without too many meals or be coherent early in the morning. And I hate walking through the woods in the morning because the spiders still have their webs out! I'd be that person who would ruin an ambush because I'm running around trying get spiderwebs off my face. XD

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    1. YES! Dude, I'd seriously freak if I saw a bug in the forest. I don't understand how characters can just go walking barefoot and not think about beetles. :P

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